I am so mad at myself. I screwed up pretty badly by smoking. It was so stupid, I was so stupid and its just one more reason why teenagers shouldn't be trusted to make any deicisions ever about anything. There have been so many times when I have wished (as I smoked a cigarette in the rain/freezing weather/blistering sun) that I had never started but right now, this moment I am feeling that so acutely....
So I have worked my ass off to lose weight, over 50 pounds, from 209 to 150, I hadn't weighed that little since I was in highschool (granted I weighed less than that too but I did weight 150 at one point, before I got really into Thai Bo). Sure I havnt been working out like I should lately but I have been keeping busy and eating right...sigh.
When I went on my honeymoon last summer, I went completely off weight watchers. I drank all day long (mmm pina coladas on the beach..) I ate hamburgers and french fries for lunch every day and chicken nuggests and noodles everynight. When I got home I discovered I had gained 9 pounds, (over a week) and I lost it all a week later. Fast forward to now. Its been five days since I quit smoking, and I have gained 12.4 pounds, 4 of those pounds were gained in the last 24 hours.
Sure okay, yesterday I had whataburger for lunch, not great, its true. But I haven't eaten at whataburger in literally 6 months if not longer and I also had a three point smart one for dinner (3 points is nothing, NOTHING) and jogged for 40 mins, so whats with the four pound gain?
I feel like I am drowning in fatness. Poor Mac, I informed him today that it is going to be a long time before I get naked again.
Of course I had my bridesmaid dress altered when I was at 150.... I am scared I won't even be able to get it on.
I am so frustrated right now. So tomorrow is Valentine's Day, and Mac and I are going out to lunch. I will try to be reasonable, that's all I can promise. Friday I will start working out everyday, and quit the snacking I have been allowing myself to do since I quit smoking (even if it is just on pickles and popcorn)