Monday, February 25, 2008


The Academy Awards were on tonite. I love the Oscars, the pomp, the circumstance, the ridiculous dresses and of course my righteous indignation when the movie that clearly deserves to win does not. I was a good movie slacker this year apparently, I had only seen Juno and Atonement. Mac and I watched together while we ate dinner and made a list of what we want to see. I am too lazy to go get the list out of the living room but I know we had There Will Be Blood, The Savages, Away From Her and some others. BTW I had no clue the guy from No Country for Old Men was so hot.. just sayin'.
Apparently it takes 21 days to break a habit, so far I have 15 of them covered. I am still having weight issues but not as badly as before, and I think my hardcore hours of daily workouts might have something to do with that. The cravings really haven't been bad lately, they haven't been gone, but they seem to be passing more quickly so that's awesome and stuff.
I can't believe its so late! I've been watching alot of Sex and the City reruns lately and I lose track of time.. sigh

Friday, February 22, 2008

Spent most of the day working out (only a week left before I have to squeeze into that bridesmaid dress) and the evening making chicken tacos and then making cards.
Not a whole lot to say so here are some pictures!

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

so I kicked my own ass for cookies

It's true. I wanted to eat a smart one's cookie dough sundae for dessert tonight so i worked out enough so that I wouldn't have to go into my flex points, since I am saving them for the bachelorette party this weekend. After working out it was around 6 o clock and I was tired so I decided to watch some stuff I had stacking up on the DVR and have a small snack which turned into a large snack (you can't eat a small snack at 6pm, it is impossible, especially not while sitting on the couch watching Sex & the City) and I wasnt giving up my cookie so I worked out again. I am already one large achey muscle but I feel pretty good about it.
Bought pesto, garlic and pine nut marinated chicken breast from target ealier in the week and decided to have that for dinner with some leftover spaghetti and sauce I made sunday. ahhh the best laid plans...
So it turns out Mac ate the pasta for lunch tuesday and so instead I got out the left over couscous from monday and made my first attempt at steaming vegetables. Then I rememberd I didn't care much for this particular variety of couscous so I made myself some black eyed peas. We sat down to eat and I determined that I dont like steamed carrots (the broccoli was actually pretty good) or giant slabs of pesto, garlic and pine nut marinated chicken breast. So I put the chicken away in the fridge to put in something (the flavor was jsut to strong to eat alone, perhaps an itallian sandwich?) threw out the carrots, and finally just at a lean cuisine, heh.
This has officially been the most boring blog ever
Oh and I haven't mentioned smoking in a while, prolly cause it hasn't really been on the forefront of my mind, at least not at the moment I sit down to type this thing, so that's progress.
I haven't smoked in 11 days, 20 hours, 27 minutes and 56 seconds.
Cigarettes NOT smoked: 95
Lifetime Saved: 17 hours
Money Saved: $22.66
I think my favorite part of the morning is getting my quitnet stats email letting me know how long its been and how much time and money I have saved. Neat idea quitnet, keep up the good work!

Monday, February 18, 2008

wasting time

The husbandit doesn't get off work til late during the week so I usually put off starting dinner til around 7:30, ... so right now I have a little bit of time to kill.
Let's see.. it was a busy weekend, but I enjoyed it. Saturday was Baby Q's shower and there were a ton of people there! seriously Emily and Luke have a ton of friends and family and everyone was incredibly nice with just the right amount of silly. My favorite part of any party is the food and this one did not dissapoint. I personally am always happy with chips, dips, cookies, the usual, but they had egg and chicken salad mini croissant sandwiches, smoked salmon, this really lovely, soft herb cheese, hummus, interesting salads, really it was a dieters dream. After the shower some of us felt like going out (I don't get to see these people all that often since we suddenly grew up and moved all over the place) so we hit Lonnegan's, which was an old stomping ground when i was in highschool. A friend of mine's dad managed the place so we would either go there or Denny's after school (who wants to go home?) Walking in, that old familiar smell of cigarettes, cheese fries and beer washed over me, and I was taken back to the days of Lucky strikes in the back booth while playing trivia during happy hour. This was the first place I felt sexy smoking a cigarette, the cigarette machine by the bathrooms was a good friend to 16 year old me. It was the middle of the afternoon, the place was hardly busy, only one other smoker thank god. We sat together in the booth and at first my hands were shaking, but by the time our queso and quesadillas got there I had forgotten all about it. I guess its true that "this too shall pass". I let myself just enjoy the conversations with my friends and for the first time didn't feel bad about smoking in someone's face.
Sunday Mac left early to work on Baby Q's mural. I woke up late and went to Fuzzy's Tacos with my friend Beau. Beau and I used to work out together 2-3 times a week before I graduated. We also used to smoke on the walk to the gym from the parking lot, from the gym back to the car, and on the way to my front door from the street when he was dropping me off. Beau and I were a good imitation of an industrial district. Luckily you can't smoke in Fuzzy's and the weather wasn't nice enough to sit outside. After lunch we walked around Target and then Beau had to go home because "he had to smoke". I didn't blame him.
So it felt like a weekend of little victories.
This weekend is Heather's bachelorette party which means I need to order her gift.. its totally naughty!

Friday, February 15, 2008

ta da

my weight was down to 157 this morning, pretty much made my day. I think jogging is helping.
Had a dream where my brother jason was a smoker but he was trying to quit and having a hard time with cravings, and I kept telling people "leave him alone, it will pass, he just has to get through it" then he and I smoked a cigarette and we both felt guilty.
I actually woke up feeling guilty and it was just a dream.
I also woke up to someone banging on the front door. Somehow I got up and looked through the peephole. It was the fedex guy and he must be familiar with our house, cause our doorbell is broken. The dogs were going nuts and I was scantily clad but apparently I needed to sign for what he was delivering and I need the stuff for Emily's baby shower tomorrow so I just went out there, head held high, boobs flailing and signed for it. Somewhat embarassing actually but oh well.
And now I am going to to make lunch

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Be careful how you touch me, my body's like an earthquake...

It was a good Valentine's Day but now I am just in a foul mood. It has nothing to do with anything, I can feel it behind my eyes and it would probably be best if I stayed here and typed instead of yelling at my husband. It will subside, eventually.
Didn't go to sleep til late last night, I waited until Mac went to bed so I could decorate his desk with the card I made for him, and the one from the dogs (it said "I ruff u" how cute am I?) and put out the boxed up cookies I had made for him (I feel certain eventually he will eat them right? probably not) and well.. I don't sleep much these days.
Mac had a meeting this morning so he got up early and I got up with him to make chocolate chip pancakes. Actually he got up before me and went to the store to get some flowers. He put a small arrangement in the bedroom next to my side of the bed, then a huge arrangement in the living room and lastly a medium arrangement in the office on my desk. Turns out he also drank all the milk so he went back to the store to get some more and got me some orange juice too.
After breakfast I bagged up the left over pancakes, whipped cream, candy, chocolate chips and cookies in the house from my valentine's day baking and sent it to work with Mac, the last thing I need is all that junk staring at me all day.
The bright and shiney spot of the day? Lunch. Not neccesarily the love in the air (I love my husband but he was tired today and not much of a talker, that and he didn't feel hungry, so it was not exactly romantic) but the food. I love Johnny Carino's. They take risks, true sometimes they sound odd, and occasionally they don't really work but most of the time you end up with something amazing. The garlic jalepeno tilapia is to die for, I ate half for lunch and the other half for dinner with some broccoli. mmmmmmm
Oh hey yeah I hit the road again today and went jogging. I guess my lungs worked out whatever they needed to since tuesday because the only burn today was in my thighs and biceps (yay wrist weights). I wanted to go around the block 4 times but I only got in three before it was completely dark out and I had to go in (I don't like jogging in the dark all by myself with headphones on. I keep imagining my family telling my story on Oprah and how stupid it would sound, "she loved to jog in the dark, without protection and diminished awareness". I would basically be the example of what not to do) It still took 48 mins which is pretty good. On the last time around I was next to some apartments and I smelled smoke so I was looking around (lots of grass fires lately) when I noticed flashing lights so I paused my music and almost got hit by a fire truck, that was fun. Actually I love that kind of thing. When Kerry came over while Mac was out of town, a few police cars and an ambulance showed up on my street around 2 am and totally made my day. Some people would be scared or ambivelant but not me, I wanted the scoop. It was freezing out and I stood on the front porch watching like it was reality tv. My street ends on the back of the same apartment complex the trucks nearly killed me trying to get into so I jogged my ass off and passed my house to get to the end of the street to catch a glimpse of the action but all I could see over the fence were the flashing lights. The oddest part was how quiet it was. I was expecting to hear booming voiced firemen barking orders and the sound of hose slapping the ground as the water gushed out. What I got was dead silence, so I went home and watched the office.
By the way the ratio of Schrut Bucks to Stanley Nickels is exactly the same as unicorns to leperchauns.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

pity party

I am so mad at myself. I screwed up pretty badly by smoking. It was so stupid, I was so stupid and its just one more reason why teenagers shouldn't be trusted to make any deicisions ever about anything. There have been so many times when I have wished (as I smoked a cigarette in the rain/freezing weather/blistering sun) that I had never started but right now, this moment I am feeling that so acutely....
So I have worked my ass off to lose weight, over 50 pounds, from 209 to 150, I hadn't weighed that little since I was in highschool (granted I weighed less than that too but I did weight 150 at one point, before I got really into Thai Bo). Sure I havnt been working out like I should lately but I have been keeping busy and eating right...sigh.
When I went on my honeymoon last summer, I went completely off weight watchers. I drank all day long (mmm pina coladas on the beach..) I ate hamburgers and french fries for lunch every day and chicken nuggests and noodles everynight. When I got home I discovered I had gained 9 pounds, (over a week) and I lost it all a week later. Fast forward to now. Its been five days since I quit smoking, and I have gained 12.4 pounds, 4 of those pounds were gained in the last 24 hours.
Kill me.
Sure okay, yesterday I had whataburger for lunch, not great, its true. But I haven't eaten at whataburger in literally 6 months if not longer and I also had a three point smart one for dinner (3 points is nothing, NOTHING) and jogged for 40 mins, so whats with the four pound gain?
I feel like I am drowning in fatness. Poor Mac, I informed him today that it is going to be a long time before I get naked again.
Of course I had my bridesmaid dress altered when I was at 150.... I am scared I won't even be able to get it on.
I am so frustrated right now. So tomorrow is Valentine's Day, and Mac and I are going out to lunch. I will try to be reasonable, that's all I can promise. Friday I will start working out everyday, and quit the snacking I have been allowing myself to do since I quit smoking (even if it is just on pickles and popcorn)

it burns

Oh my god allergies, serisouly, all over the place. Worst moment? Woke up this morning with a hair in my nose, it tickled and made me sneeze, I was miserable.
Spent a chunk of yesterday downloading music from The service is great, the music is DRM free and reasonably priced, what more could you ask for? wait, oh yeah, more selection, but they are definitely getting there. Favorite new (to you) artist you ask? Meiko, especially "reasons to love you".
It turns out that when you quit smoking you don't gain weight just because you are putting food in your mouth instead of cigarettes, no that would be to easy, you also gain weight because your metabolism literally slows down, that's why fatigue is a symptom of nicotine withdrawal. Case in point? I have gained 8 pounds since quitting 5 days ago, I kid you not. True I have been eating more than usual, especially when it comes to pickles, but come on people, 8 pounds? that's ridiculous.
I decided I had to combat this so I went jogging last night. The weather was gorgeous. the sunset was beautiful and I almost died. Well close to died. Suddenly jogging sucks! I had to stop after two laps around the block, not because my legs or arms (I was wearing wrist weights) were tired but because my lungs were burning and I was tasting blood... BLOOD! I got to the house and could hardly breathe, it was scary and incredibly painful and I am so trying it again tonite because before the lungs tried to kill me jogging felt really good, so there take that lungs. (I had some pretty nice looking legs before christmas hit with all its family trips and cake balls)
My husband just asked if I am writing a novel.
so what if I am
yeah i am a little on edge these days...heh
I am going to go clean something.... anything

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

well there you go

I am actually going to use this thing, I've had the account forever, basically to post on the blogs of friends, and now I guess I am just bored enough....
Today is Day 4 of not smoking. Supposedly its all mental from here on out. (Does it really take 72 hours to get all the nicotine out of your system?) I have to admit that if I had not given Mac the pack of cigarettes I had in the house yesterday before he went to work I probably would have smoked the whole things by the time he got home. In fact I nearly smoked the cat.
In an effort to be distracted I went and saw "Atonement" last night. We were running late so I missed the previews, which sucks, I love previews. I am a person who likes to have something to look forward to. Right now all I have to look forward to movie-wise is "be kind rewind", I was hoping to find some more gems to anticipate. Anyway, Atonement, right. Visually the movie was wonderful. Very interesting and watchable without being sugary, they used the lighting well. The music was amazing and incorporated seamlessly. The acting was spot on, and subtle, I can see why there is Oscar buzz. The story was only so-so. The popcorn was GREAT! My husband always get upset that the popcorn is my favorite part of the movie, I say he should consider himself lucky that his wife is easy to please.
Today my brother and I are going shopping for Valentine's Day supplies. I am going to assist him in wrapping his gifts for his.... his... friend? and then I am going to make cookies and candies for the hubby. I love Valentine's Day. There is no good reason for it, I shouldn't but I do. Hope springs eternal right?

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Flavor Country

SO Matt Gunter is a real @!#J@$# He just sent me a message letting me know how much he is enjoying a cigarette right now. oh well, I'll live longer and happier... right? right?
SO in 6 hours it will be 2 whole days.
I can't remember the last time I went two days without smoking. When we were visiting Mac's grandparents I snuck outside in my pajamas in a snow storm around midnight to suck one down. At the time I kept thinking how ridiculous it was, right now I would kill for that cigarette, hell I'd smoke it bare foot in 2 feet of snow.
Probably shouldn't focus on that.
Been doing my best to stay busy. Yesterday we went shopping, I got some body shaping underwear for Heather's bridesmaid dress (its just one of those dresses, her sister is skinny and she needed it too) and we got some groceries. I chewed a lot of gum but didn't use the patch, its existence in my house is a nice safety blanket but I haven't actually had to use it yet. Today I did some card making, watched mystery on PBS, went to Luke and Emily's with Mac to do some talking about the baby's mural and had dinner with Mac's parents. I have to admit I have been eating more than usual but it hasn't been insane. Its mostly pickles actually lol. Monday I need to get active again. I am going to walk a dog to the park (I am not brave enough to walk all 3 by myself so I will take a different dog each day) Maybe mon, wed, fri will be dog walking day and Tues, thurs will be jogging days and i need to get on the ab lounge too, I should probably make a schedule....

Saturday, February 9, 2008

...and Proud to be

So today is the first smoke free day. It's been about twelve hours, I haven't used the patch yet, I have chewed a lot of gum. I haven't really told anyone about this. I guess I just know that most of the people I know don't take me seriously and that makes me not take myself seriously. I also know that I would be given that look of "yeah right" which I don't need right now. I would rather tell people when its over and done with. I pretty much want to eat chicken nuggets and mac and cheese and lay in bed and smoke a huge long cigarette right now. lame